


Manufactured Joy

by s7nnyflowers



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Accidental Pregnancy, Cheating, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Jane the Virgin au, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Ow in OWCA human agents, Trans Male Character, i swear im not killing heinz perry peter or mystery i promise, will update tags as things happen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-01-19 07:47:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12406116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s7nnyflowers/pseuds/s7nnyflowers
Summary: When Heinz kissed an almost complete stranger five years ago he didn't expect to ever see him again. Now he's got a new life and new boyfriend he's been dating for close to two years. Heinz Doofenshmirtz had never been happier in his life, but a medical mistake may snatch that away. I will put warnings for smut in the end notes so check those out!!!Jane the Virgin Au!!! If you know the show or the plot please avoid commenting spoilers!!!





	1. Bravery

Heinz Doofenshmirtz had many flaws. More than he was willing to say by name, moreover aloud. However, one flaw Heinz found himself falling victim to time and time again, was his open heart. He’d let people in too fast or not fast enough. Doofenshmirtz often fell just short of a happy medium and it strained many of his relationships. This one was different though. That was what he convinced himself of five years ago.

Doofenshmirtz was the last person in the restaurant attached to the yacht club that day to finish up some dishes and potentially earn some overtime. He had since flipped the closed sign and started to place a stack of plates into the dishwasher. Closing his eyes and crossing his fingers, Heinz all but prayed that this machine didn’t catch on fire. Heinz walked into the main room, well illuminated by windows, and sighed dramatically as he draped himself over a table. He could hear his back quietly pop in a few places as he melted on the table top.

“ _Gott_!” He moaned and wrapped his arms around his head. If Charlene hadn’t insisted he provide a good example for Vanessa by working, Heinz would be home tinkering on his newest creation. He was thinking about calling it ‘Norm.’ Only son felt a little too on the nose for his android creation. Heinz quietly laughed to himself, rolling off of the table and onto the floor limply.

“I’m like every other Joe in the world” -he threw his arms in the air- “I hate my job!” There was a quiet, but sharp, tapping noise that surprised Heinz silent. Quickly sitting up, Heinz slammed the top of his head into the underside of the table. “ _Ow!_ ” He cried out loudly and the tapping noise stopped.

Doofenshmirtz could feel his eyes gloss over wetly as he rubbed his head. Looking up towards the glass door, Heinz could see a man standing outside with his hand pulled away from the door hesitantly. Doofenshmirtz blinked at the man outside. He was young. Much younger than himself at least. He was Chinese and had straight black hair that was messy and sticking to his face in some places. He wore thick framed glasses that filled out his face nicely despite them sitting crookedly on it. Even though Heinz was sitting, he could see that the man was tall, very tall. He was also heavy set. He was wearing a black long sleeved shirt and dark grey jeans. The cuffs of his pants and his shoes were covered in dry sand. He’d clearly hopped in the water with all of his clothes on earlier and Heinz found himself wondering to what end.

The Chinese man smiled crookedly inside of the restaurant and held up his hand in the shape of, _Okay?_

Feeling the gears in his chest stutter Heinz meekly looked away from him and nodded. Under the sleeves of his black shirt, Heinz could see his thick body hair. He found him _undeniably_ attractive. This was the kind of man that you would see on the street and need to pause based on his looks alone. He tapped on the glass again, smile not leaving his face. Doofenshmirtz grabbed onto the edge of the table to help himself up, yelping when the table tilted as he stood. The Chinese man put both of his pale hands against the glass in concern, trying to get a better look inside. Heinz dusted off his navy green pants and walked over to the door where the man was standing.

Cupping his hands around his mouth, Doofenshmirtz yelled, “I. AM NOT. SUPP-OSED. TO LET. A-N-Y-ONE IN.”

The man outside frowned and looked at the ground for a second before pouting his bottom lip and holding his hands together. Slowly moving his hands away from his mouth, Heinz let his shoulders slump forward. His boss was going to kill him.

Heinz nodded, “YEAH. OH-KAY.” The Chinese man smiled, his expression enough to light the restaurant on its own. Doofenshmirtz unlocked the door and pulled it open for him, as he shuffled in. Some of the sand on his legs trailed inside with the stranger.

“Aw man, seriously? I just broomed this place up!” Doofenshmirtz complained loudly. The man glanced at Heinz and then down at the trail of sand behind him and bit his bottom lip apologetically.

He rubbed a fist against his chest signing a very sloppy, _Sorry._

Doofenshmirtz frowned and absently laid his left hand horizontally and right vertically, pulling it up and away, _“No it’s alright.”_ The man blinked down at Heinz in shock and tapped his shoulder. “What?” Heinz asked as he turned to face him, getting a clear view of his skin tone hearing aids.

The man chewed his bottom lip again as he hesitantly signed, _Can you understand?_

Heinz nodded and signed with his words, _“Yeah, and I can do it too.”_

Breathing a pitiful laugh, the man took a notebook out of his back pocket that had taken serious water damage and tossed it aside. Though Heinz had no idea about the significance of the soaked journal, it looked liberating to toss it aside. The Chinese man finger spelled, _Peter_ before pulling out a chair so he could sit.

Doofenshmirtz shrugged and pulled out a chair for himself too, spinning it on two legs so he could sit on it backwards. “I’m Heinz Doofenshmirtz. My friends-” He stopped himself to clear his throat. “Well, people call me Heinz.”

Peter nodded and propped one of his muscular arms up on the table. The black shirt was wet from the beach and tight around his arms and chest, accenting his muscles in a way that was decidedly attractive. Heinz crossed his legs awkwardly as Peter rested his chin in his hand. His dark beard looked very soft, like it would tickle his skin or maybe leave goosebumps there.

Peter lifted the hand that wasn’t holding up his head and signed, _Heinz. Unique._ Heinz smiled a little sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. Was it getting hotter? Maybe it was just his imagination. The stranger’s icy blue eyes looked caring and his smile was soft, _You like it here?_

Heinz blew air out of his mouth dramatically and waved at the air, “No, no, _no!”_ Peter laughed loudly, lifting his head out of his hand to cover his mouth as he chuckled and Heinz could feel something come to life in his chest hearing his deep voice.

 _What would you rather be?_ He signed eagerly, in genuine curiosity.

Heinz shrugged, posture correcting slightly, “Am I being practical or brave?” He joked, but Peter gave him a mildly impressed look at the response before holding up one finger. Smiling, Heinz theatrically dusted off his hands, “ _Easy,_ I’m a teacher.” Peter’s expression shifted a little as he held up two fingers, leaning a little closer. Taking a big breath of air and puffing out his chest, Heinz quickly said, “I’m an inventor?”

He cringed at the sound of his voice cracking when he said that. His shoulders fell again and he laid his thin arm on the table. Charlene would never approve of him inventing full time. Peter’s eyes widened and he looked over at his soaked notebook. Heinz looked between him and the notebook anxiously for a second before Peter turned back to him, eyes looking starry and bright.

 _What-_ Peter stopped himself and freed both his hands, _What kind of things would you make?_

Heinz could feel his eyebrows shoot up on his head as he pitifully smiled at Peter, “I-I-I would make android parts? Like-uhm-like this?” Rolling up his left sleeve, Heinz drew a line with his finger to point out his scarring. “I’ve made myself prosthesis like this one.” Peter stared down at the arm and gestured to it hesitantly. “Wha- _oh-_ yeah you can touch it.” Peter looked up at him a little nervously before ghosting his fingers over Heinz’s arm. Heinz could feel his cheeks heat up as he said quickly, “I-uh-I set up feeling in the prosthesis! I can actually feel everything that you’re doing!”

Peter quickly retracted his hand in favor of signing, _Heinz, this is amazing._

Heinz blinked a few times before letting an unsure smile settle on his face, “You think so?” Peter nodded and touched Heinz’s pale prosthesis again, letting his fingertips slowly slide up his arm. Repressing a shudder, Heinz watched Peter’s hand as it inched up his arm. His hand was calloused and there was a thick scar over the pad of his index finger. Gently grabbing onto Heinz’s arm, Peter looked up at him. Heinz struggled to pull his attention away from Peter’s hand to Peter’s face.

His blue eyes were hooded and a little darker under his glasses as he finger spelled, _Be brave._

Heinz’s eyes shot wide when Peter leaned over the table more towards him, blue eyes clearly looking at his mouth. Heinz attempted to suck in a quick breath as Peter leaned his body over the table. Shifting his own thinner arm so he could hold onto Peter’s shirt sleeve, Heinz nervously leaned closer to him in return until their lips met. Heinz could feel the man’s plush lips smile against his as he gently kissed Heinz. He resisted the urge to melt into a puddle against him as Peter moved his hand to his shoulder, steadying him. He kissed back cautiously, feeling Peter quickly take the lead. Heinz whimpered into the kiss as he tilted his head ever so slightly.

Peter hummed into Heinz’s mouth, making his lips buzz. Feeling something warm and wet drag along the seam of his lips, Heinz sputtered, “Mmf-w-wait!” Heinz pushed against his shoulder and Peter immediately pulled back.

Giving Heinz a concerned look, Peter tilted his head slightly and signed, _You okay?_

Heinz covered his mouth, cheeks boiling and bright red as he whispered, “I shouldn’t have done that.” Peter frowned a little and looked away from Heinz. Looking back at Peter, Heinz held up his hands, “Oh _Gott_ you did” -he grabbed Peter’s arms and squeezed them tight enough to hurt- “ _nothing_ wrong! I’m so-” Peter gave Heinz a pitiful look and raised his shoulders. Not really looking for an explanation, but clearly a little upset at the rejection. Unsure of how to mend the situation, Heinz spat out, “I’m married.”

Peter blinked at Heinz, posture returning to normal and a silent ‘oh’ forming on his lips. Heinz covered his mouth again and closed his eyes tightly, muttering quietly to himself in German. Face somehow getting hotter the more upset he made himself with his own depreciating words. Peter hesitantly reached out for Heinz’s arm again, resting his hand on it cautiously. He looked up at Peter pitifully, eyes glossing over with tears. Peter breathed a pitiful laugh and gently squeezed Heinz’s arm.

 _It’s fine,_ he finger spelled and Heinz’s shoulders tensed.

“How can it be fine, I-” He hiccuped into his hand, making Peter’s grip turn a little more concerned.

Shaking his head, Peter was cautious to fingerspell, _You’re not happy, are you?_ Heinz’s eyes widened at the question. Something inside of him twisted, unsure of how to respond. Charlene and he were happy enough. They were normal. Weren’t they? Heinz didn’t dare continue that thought process so he didn’t answer. Frowning, Peter finger spelled, _Are you being practical or brave?_ Sheepishly, Heinz held up one finger the way Peter had before. Peter laughed, a caring smile returning to his face, _Which one do you want to be?_

Heinz smiled and slid his arm away from Peter to snatch a napkin off of the table. Brain working at a million miles a minute, Heinz felt like someone had hacked his brain. There was a small part of him telling him that this was a bad idea as he patted down his waiter’s apron until he found his pen and quickly jotted his number on the napkin followed by the word **Brave.** He puffed out his chest and nervously slid the napkin across the table, hand visibly shaking.

“I-I think I w-want...” He stopped himself as Peter looked down at the napkin and grinned. He nodded once at Heinz and jammed the napkin into his pocket. Feeling something kick into gear in his chest, Heinz reached over the table to hold Peter’s hand.

This was what it felt like to be brave.

* * *

Heinz hadn’t thought of that day in almost five years now; Peter had never called. Never texted and saw him again only once in a passing glance. Since then however, Heinz had been very very brave. Laughing a little helplessly, Heinz opened his eyes as he continued to kiss his boyfriend who had his hand on his ribs.

Percival Platts.

He went by Perry almost all the time and he was the single best thing that had happened to him. Heinz’s pale hands were buried in his bright teal hair, natural by the way, and pulling ever so slightly. Perry’s chest rumbled silently against Heinz’s as he settled on top of him. Perry was much shorter than him, coming in at just a little under 5’5”. He was also Australian Aborigine, darker skin in direct contrast to Heinz’s pasty complexion. He was physically fit and very muscular, but he’d gotten into an accident when he was young and could no longer produce noise from himself. His teal pinstripe shirt was somewhere on the bed with them in a wrinkled pile leaving him in a black tank top and black pants (the fly of which was open) on top of Heinz.

Giggling, Heinz begged against his mouth, “Please-Perry- I’m ticklish!” Perry opened one of his previously closed brown eyes and grinned against his mouth in a way Heinz knew more than a little too well. “No, _no-”_

Heinz begged uselessly as Perry shoved his hands under Heinz’s black shirt. He shrilly laughed and pulled Perry more against his body. Tickling him mercilessly, Perry chuckled as Heinz tried to roll away from where he had him pinned. Perry’s dark eyes fluttered closed again, careful as he continued to move his hands under Heinz’s black shirt, pressing his calloused thumbs over his nipples. Gasping loudly next to Perry’s ear, Heinz pulled roughly on his soft hair. Perry kissed Heinz a little more firmly, running his tongue over his bottom lip. Turning his head slightly, Heinz closed his eyes and gradually opened his mouth and Perry’s tongue darted inside. Heinz moaned into the kiss, wrapping his thin legs around Perry’s hips. Moving one hand from Perry’s hair to clutch onto his shoulder, Heinz whined quietly and rolled his hips against Perry. Gasping, Perry teased at Heinz’s chest a little more eagerly. He cracked his brown eyes open to look at Heinz under him.

“Perry-” Heinz moaned into his mouth and Perry slowly nodded, gently twisting the hard nubs on Heinz’s chest. He cried out against Perry’s mouth and grabbed his shoulder tighter. Grinding his hips against Perry, he could feel him thickening in his pants. “We should-” He gasped when he heard the quiet click of the front door. Both men froze and broke away from the kiss.

“Dad? I’m home.” A young woman called from the front of the house and Heinz pulled his legs away from Perry.

“Va-” He wiped his mouth and hopped off of the bed, throwing Perry’s teal shirt at him for good measure- “Vanessa! Honey!” Heinz pulled on his favorite white cardigan and turned back to Perry who was trying not to laugh on his bed. “Put a shirt on!” Heinz whispered through his teeth, swatting in his general direction. He ran out of the room and down the hallway of his house. As he made it halfway down the hallway, Vanessa turned the corner and almost ran into him.

“Oh, dad, hey, I was just bringing in... my...” She let go of her black suitcase and stood it up next to her. Placing a hand on her hip, she called down the hall, “Oh, there you are, Perry!” Perry peeked his head out of the bedroom doorway, hair clearly a mess, and awkwardly waved at Vanessa.

Heinz’s face flushed bright red as he snapped around to look at Perry. “Really?! You couldn’t have waited?!” He all but shrieked.

Vanessa smiled and rolled her eyes. “He didn’t do anything, dad. His badge is on the floor?” Looking down, Heinz stared at the police badge on the ground and his shoulders fell slightly.

“Ah,” he said quietly and picked up Perry’s badge. “So, is now a good time to tell you Perry is spending the weekend with us?” Heinz squeaked, making Vanessa roll her eyes.

“The whole weekend, huh?” She asked, looking past her father to Perry. “Sounds serious.” Perry repressed a laugh as Heinz visibly got offended.

“It is not!” He gasped.

Smiling, Vanessa touched her index finger to her neck, “Right.” Raising an eyebrow at her, he reached up to his neck and touched it in the same spot. Wincing a little, Heinz looked at his index finger and touched the spot again. His neck was welted there. How had he managed to hurt his own- Gasping loudly, Heinz slapped a hand over his neck. Vanessa picked up her suitcase again, looking proud of herself, and continued down the hall. Perry slowly crept into the bedroom so not to be the subject of his scorn.

So maybe brave wasn’t the right word.

_**END OF CHAPTER** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST CHAPTER WARNINGS: Some very light kissing between Heinz and Peter so if you want a warning so you don't have to read that leave me a comment asking! There is a heavy Perryshmirtz make out so you don't want that you can stop reading below the horizontal line at "Tickling him mercilessly, Perry chuckled as Heinz tried to roll away from where he had him pinned." and then start reading again at "He gasped when he heard the quiet click of the front door."  
> ~~~  
> 


	2. Practicality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been five years since Peter had met Heinz and in that time his life had gone through a drastic change. He had become the one thing he feared. 
> 
> SEE END NOTES FOR WHERE TO SKIP WE GETTIN GROSS

Peter hadn’t thought about the man who made himself a prosthesis in about five years. If he saw him today, he doubted he’d recognize him. Peter wasn’t usually bad with faces and names, but the name of the man from the yacht club had long since vanished from his mind. Five years felt like a lifetime ago and Peter struggled to keep the last week in scope. He had since taken inheritance of his parent’s hotel and many things had become inconsequential. Like names and faces. Peter ran a hand over his face, hair unbrushed and face makeup-less. Though his vitiligo was something he was still insecure about, today it felt pointless to hide it. He’d just finished moving into one of the penthouses in his father’s hotel and his world still felt like it was spinning. It was actually _his_ hotel now.

Five years ago he would have been thrilled to have the hotel, but now Peter felt hollow. His father had decided he was ready for the responsibility of the hotel. Peter was well aware that his life had never been better, but he felt so empty and _fragile._ He rarely did anything that involved risks anymore. Peter was exactly what he used to warn against. He was practical. Staring out of the penthouse balcony and looking down at the black ocean, Peter wondered if the cold water would bring him back to life.

“Peter?” He heard a voice behind him call and he blinked his eyes frantically. “Babe? You okay?”

Peter slowly turned around to look at his husband. Miggs Ortega. His beautiful curly hair brought out the best of his features. His dark skin and soft brown freckles that dotted his face made his green eyes constantly look like they were glowing. The concern on his face made Peter’s heart ache in a familiar way. He didn’t deserve a man like Miggs. Miggs was mostly dressed for tonight, wearing a crisp black button up shirt and black pants. The shirt was a little over half buttoned, showing off a bit of his skin.

Smiling sadly, Peter finger spelled, _You look good._

Miggs’ frown grew and Peter could feel a pang of guilt for making his husband look that way. Cautiously stepping a little closer to Peter, Miggs looked like he was walking on ice. “Please, stop.”

Once he was directly in front of Peter, he grabbed Peter’s face gently. Fingers catching slightly in his dark beard, Miggs searched Peter’s face desperately for anything he could read. Peter leaned into his husband’s touch and groaned quietly, the ring around Miggs’ finger feeling cold against his hot cheek.

The strain on Miggs’ face looked somehow relieved when he murmured, “You’re burning up.” Peter nodded groggily, feeling more like a pile of ash at the moment. “Maybe you shouldn’t go to the party tonight.” Peter hummed in question, looking into Miggs’ eyes. “I’m serious, you big bear! You’ve been through a lot this week.” Pulling Peter’s face a little closer to him, Miggs gently pecked Peter’s lips to which Peter made no attempt to kiss him back. Miggs shuddered a soft sigh as he quickly buttoned his shirt. “Well-” he cleared his throat- “Anyway. We should go.”

Frowning, Peter stopped Miggs by placing one of his strong hands on the small of his back. Miggs stared up at Peter expectantly, clearly a little surprised by the gesture. His mouth hung open slightly giving Peter a clear view of the gap between his teeth.

Grimacing, Peter rubbed his hand in an all too familiar circle on his chest to clearly sign, _Sorry._

The light in Miggs’ eyes quickly depleted as he weakly looked away from Peter. “It’s fine,” he lied quietly. Peter tilted his head slightly and hummed apologetically. “You know your dad will help out, right?” He spat out a little desperately. “If we need him to.” Peter frowned at the thought of his father having to intervene. “Hey,” Miggs said softly as he tugged on the front of Peter’s shirt, “only rich people feel bad about taking money.”

Peter could feel the edges of his lips curl upward as he laughed quietly. Miggs smiled brightly and laughed a little too. Relaxing in Miggs’ hands, Peter laughed a little more openly. Miggs stood a little taller and rubbed his nose against Peter’s as the two stood and laughed. Peter lifted a hand and buried it in Miggs’ dark curls. He wished he could stop time in moments like these. Make the flames inside of his heart come back to life and just be content like this.

“That’s my Peter,” Miggs laughed and Peter tensed up. Peter looked down at Miggs sadly; his husband was so happy just to _hold_ him. Miggs’ laughter quickly died down and Peter knew he must’ve felt him tense up. Looking up at Peter a little hesitantly, Miggs flirtatiously offered, “I think you just need to,” he let one of his hands slowly trail down Peter’s body, “relax.” Peter gasped sharply when he felt Miggs’ hand stop just before the waist of his pants.

Feeling his blood quickly boil to his cheeks, Peter shuddered a breath before signing, _Don’t have to._

Miggs frowned up at Peter and leaned closer to him, “Do you really think I’d be offering if I didn’t fucking _want to.”_ Peter breathed raggedly before nodding once, looking more than a little desperate for his husband.

Looking pleased with himself, Miggs lowered his other hand to Peter’s waist and made quick work of opening the fly. Getting on his knees, Miggs looked at the already thickening line of his husband’s cock in his boxers and felt his mouth water. Glancing up at Peter to gauge his reaction, Miggs cautiously leaned forward to kiss at the fabric of Peter’s boxers. Peter gasped loudly and grabbed the railing behind him. He could feel Miggs smile against him and trembled. Peter looked down at Miggs to see his normally bright green eyes were hooded and dark. Moreover, he was staring at him. Watching every little reaction as closely as he could as though to memorize this moment. Miggs ripped his gaze from Peter’s to his boxers, quickly pulling them down and out of his way. Peter’s flushed cock twitched as Miggs grabbed it in his hand before ghosting kisses over his length. Gasping quietly, Peter uncontrollably arched into Miggs’ touch.

“Fucking look at you.” Miggs rasped before wrapping his lips over the head of Peter’s dick.

Peter groaned and grabbed onto the railing a little tighter. Slowly easing more of Peter into his mouth as he used his hand to hold him in place, Miggs ran his tongue on the underside of his cock. Miggs smiled with he heard Peter repress a moan. He'd heard Peter’s voice enough to know that Peter wanted to be louder. Suddenly feeling more confident, Miggs hummed pleased around his husband. Peter’s hips thrusted forward without his say so making him whimper apologetically. Miggs lowered his eyes at Peter before pushing Peter as far into his mouth as he could before triggering his gag reflex. Peter’s dark pubic hair tickled his nose as the head of his cock nudged the back of Miggs’ throat. Swallowing around the head a few times, Miggs pulled back and almost completely off of him before repeating. Miggs moaned, vibration making Peter throw his head back as he moaned. Grabbing onto Peter’s hip to steady him, Miggs found his rhythm and eagerly sucked at Peter. He indulged himself on his husband’s tiny cries and gasps as salty precome beaded his tongue. Peter’s hips stuttered a few times and, though he was holding Peter’s hip, Miggs knew the only reason Peter wasn’t face fucking him was because he was holding himself back.

Peter could feel orgasam curling hotly in his gut and quickly grabbed onto Miggs’ hair, making a loose fist. Miggs cried out against Peter’s cock and bobbed his head a little faster. Peter moaned and tugged at his curls a little more firmly.

Peter moaned in a weak attempt to say Miggs’ name before bit into the meat of his hand to stop himself from crying out as he came in his husband’s mouth. Slowing, Miggs continued to taken him down from his high until Peter whimpered in oversensitivity.

Miggs pulled off his husband and stared up at him expectantly, “Any better?”

Peter winced at Miggs’ question and the sadness it brought him. Loosening grip on Miggs’ hair, Peter gently tugged at him until he stood up on his own. Smile soft and a little pained, Peter cupped Miggs’ cheek with one hand and gently kissed him. He and Miggs were happy enough. They were normal. Weren't they?

* * *

Heinz folded his black shirt and set it in his locker and a young man quickly flung himself against the locker next to him, looking smug. He was wearing thick glasses that were self determined ‘hipster glasses’ and had a faded tattoo of three roses on his right shoulder. He wore crimson star plugs in both ears and a simple black ring as his septum piercing. Smiling brightly, Heinz said, “I really don’t think so, Danny.”

Danny frowned and sighed dramatically, “Come _on,_ Dee. He’s been less stoic, a lot of” -Danny poked at Heinz’s sides- “ _PDA?_ He’s totally going to propose to you,” he teased before blowing a pink bubble of his gum.

Heinz snorted loudly as he swung his locker door closed in an attempt to look cool that ended in the locker slamming loudly. “Perry knows I want to take things slow right now. Baby steps, Danny.” He held out his index finger and thumb to show how little the steps were before whispering, “Baby steps.”

Smirking, Danny said, “ _Right,_ because he hasn’t seen the product of your impulses before.”

“Name one!” Heinz challenged loudly making a couple other waiters in the locker room turn to them.

A Canadian Indian woman with her brown hair in a ponytail pushed the door open gently to call in, “Norm?”

Spinning to look at the door, Heinz was quick to defend, “No one was asking you _Lyla!_ Besides” -Heinz ran a hand through his light brown hair- “that was for science.” He crossed his arms and pouted.

“What about Susan and Susan?” An older, and very short, man asked. He was wearing a nametag that just said, **Diminutive**.

“A miscommunication!!” Heinz all but howled at Diminutive, cheeks tinting pink.

Danny bit down on his tongue to keep himself from laughing before giggling, “What about the time you set your house on fire and Perry had to come on call to your house with fire chief Chase because you tried to-”

“I GET IT!” Heinz shrieked and the locker room filled with laughter. As much as Heinz hated the teasing, he knew how well meaning his waiting family at the hotel was. He didn’t know what he’d do without their constant support. Danny made quick work of opening his locker and beginning to strip.

Letting himself fall backwards onto the bench, Heinz sat to wait for Danny. “Look Dee,” Danny began as he pulled on the seafoam green work uniform, “it’s been two years and you haven’t porked. I _really_ think that he’s going to pop the question.” Feeling his heart stutter a little at Danny’s words, Heinz smiled and fiddled with his hands.

Breathing a laugh, Heinz finally said, “I hope you’re right.”

Danny grinned and turned around to face Heinz, “Honestly, if he doesn’t, I’ll chop his dick off.”

Heinz barked a laugh and shoved Danny weakly, “Shut. _Up._ ” The two men laughed together, but were quickly cut off by a loud knock at the men’s locker room.

“Hope everyone is decent!” A young man’s voice called from outside as he entered abruptly. Heinz stood up and turned his body away from the door, despite being fully dressed. Danny scowled at the door and put a hand on Heinz’s arm protectively.

“Who the hell are you?” Danny seethed as Heinz slowly turned to face the door.

The young man who entered the locker room must’ve been Perry’s age give or take a year. His almost white blond hair was combed and gelled away from his face in the stereotypical ‘man haircut.’ He had a blonde peach fuzz beard and mustache combo and dark bags under his bluish eyes. His demeanor screamed asshole. Gaze dragging up and down the bodies of a few of the men in the locker room, the stranger made Heinz immediately more uncomfortable.

He held his arms out and looked at Danny. “Dennis Robinson.” His smile quickly turned a little more cocky as he scanned Danny up and down a few times, “Sir is for the bedroom and Mr. Robinson is for business. You all, will be calling me Dennis.” He waved his pale fist full of red straws that were meant for coffee. “The new owner brought me in as management, so think of me of as your new boss.”

He held out a straw to one of the men in the locker room before winking at him, “Please, take one.” Dennis began walking around the locker room as each man took a straw. “We're doing a promotional thing for tonight and it will be easier on everyone if you gentlemen just co-operate.”

Heinz hesitantly took a straw from the shady looking man, doing his best to avoid eye contact with him. Dennis moved quickly around the locker room to each man, all of them a little suspicious of him. Once he was out of straws, Dennis sauntered back to the front of the locker room.

He looked a little too pleased with himself as he said, “Let me see those straws.” Heinz held up his straw and looked around the circle curiously. He knew when he pulled his straw he’d gotten _a_ short straw, but looking around the room he realized he had gotten _the_ short straw. Dennis smiled and walked directly up to Heinz.

“So,” he said grinning, “what’s your name?”

Despite Dennis being eye level with him, he felt like the more confident man was looking down at him. “Heinz,” he said as flatly as he could manage.

“His _cop_ boyfriend calls him Dee.” Danny quickly interjected and Heinz elbowed him.

Dennis smirked at Danny before returning his attention back to Heinz. “Well, Dee,” Heinz didn't bother to hide the look of disgust on his face when Dennis called him that, accompanied by a quiet ‘eugh’ sound. Smirk remaining on his face, Dennis whispered smugly, “can you swim?”

_**END OF CHAPTER** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY FOR THE SKIPPIES: 
> 
> You can go ahead and skip from 
> 
> "Miggs frowned up at Peter and leaned closer to him, “Do you really think I’d be offering if I didn’t fucking _want to.”_ " 
> 
> and rejoin the story at 
> 
> "Peter winced at Miggs’ question and the sadness it brought him."
> 
> YES OKAY WE GOOD? EXCELLENT 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading this chapter of Manufactured Joy! If you liked it be sure leave a nice comment sharing what you liked!!!! 
> 
> This fic is about to start really picking up but of course I had to weasel in some good smut!! Poor Peter has some ISSUES!! If you do not recognize Danny he is an OC of mine from the Ow in O.W.C.A. series in the fic O.W.C.A. Night Out! If you're thinking to yourself "I don't want to read that fic i want to read this one" or even "b7nny told me not to read this until she finished rewriting" don't worry! You'll get to know Danny even better through this fic than you would in OWCA Night Out
> 
> Again thank you for reading this chapter be sure to comment and kudos! Oh and hit up my good beta @Luna_Myth!!! they're awesome ;P


	3. Water Logged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heinz goes swimming.

“You're coming off as desperate,” Dennis said, venom laced in his tone as he pulled up his wine colored slacks.

Miggs stomped towards him, re-buttoning his shirt for the third time tonight. “Yeah, well, maybe I am... how about that?!” he snapped as he looked at himself in a mirror. Dennis frowned as he watched Miggs fluff and fix his hair. “Shouldn't you be bitching at a bellboy or something?” he seethed.

Smirking at Miggs’ attack on his profession, Dennis said, “I actually have done my job for tonight. You still have to give hubby a toast,” -he mimed toasting a drink- “to new beginnings and the end of a not so happy marriage.”

“Bite me!” Miggs snapped.

Dennis fell backward onto the bed and pointed a finger at Miggs and waved it lazily. “I believe I may have done that earlier.”

Miggs turned back to the mirror and looked at himself. His green eyes stood out against his dark skin that was dotted with ugly freckles. Miggs reached up to touch his wild curls and winced. Maybe if he had skin free of freckles his husband would love him more. Or straighter hair. Opening his mouth slightly, Miggs looked at the hideously large gap between his front teeth. He was so ugly. Maybe Peter deserved someone prettier than him. Miggs closed his eyes tightly and took a steadying breath. Maybe Peter deserved a real man.

Dennis sighed loudly from behind Miggs, making him cringe. “You know, Miguel, I understand what you're going through.” Miggs did his best not to roll his eyes. “Your husband doesn't love you anymore and you're lost without him.”

“Don’t...” Miggs all but whimpered before taking a loud, shaky breath. He could see Dennis’ smile fall in the mirror before his vision blurred with tears.

Dennis bit his bottom lip and hesitantly stood up, “Miguel, I was just kidding, I didn’t mean to...” Miggs wiped his eyes harshly and covered them with his fists as Dennis got closer to him. “ _Jesus,_ Miggs-”

“Why would you” -he choked on a sob- “say that to me?”

Dennis scrambled over to Miggs and put his hands on his shoulders, “Hey,” he tried to look at Miggs but he quickly turned away from him, “I’m an _asshole,_ babe. You have to learn not to take what I say seriously.” Miggs moved one hand away from his eyes so he could cover his mouth as he sobbed loudly. Tentatively rubbing Miggs’ shoulders and upper arms, Dennis tugged at him a bit to make him look at him. “Miguel, c’mon, look at me.”

Taking a deep breath, Miggs turned and faced Dennis. His face was flushed slightly and his eyes were just a little puffy at the edges. Miggs’ lip quivered as he quickly wrapped his arms around Dennis’ shoulders. Dennis frowned at Miggs before hugging him back and rubbing his back.

“You’re okay, he still loves you,” Dennis cooed at Miggs as he sobbed loudly against Dennis’ shirt. “ _Shh._ ” He whispered before gently kissing Miggs’ soft curls.

Clutching the fabric of Dennis’ shirt, Miggs cried loudly, “He-He thinks I’m _ugly!_ ”

“Then he’s an idiot and you’re better off without him,” Dennis said matter of factly. “Miguel.” He pulled Miggs away from him so he could see his face. Miggs’ big green eyes were flooding with tears and his nose was running. Dennis gave Miggs the most caring smile he could muster and ran his knuckle over Miggs’ cheek. “You’re scared of about a million different things and I can tell you that none of them are real. Peter just doesn’t hate you. Peter doesn’t want a cis guy and he _absolutely_ doesn’t think you’re ugly.”

“You don’t know that...” Miggs sniffled quieter now.

Smirking, Dennis said, “What? Suddenly you don’t trust _me?_ The booty call?” Miggs laughed and gently hit Dennis’ chest. Dennis hugged him a little tighter as he whispered, “Not to be that guy, but you’re getting my shirt wet.”

* * *

If Heinz had a nickel for every time he’d gone swimming angry, today, he would have one nickel. He stood in the shallow end of the pool with a bubble wand wearing nothing but swim trunks -they looked like they were covered in aquamarine mermaid scales- and a shell necklace. A couple of bolder guests had come up to him and asked him if they could ‘get some bubbles’ to which Heinz simply met with waving his bubble wand through the air. He supposed that this was a good lesson for the future though. The next time Dennis asked him if he had the ability to do something he would say no and be firmer about it.

Danny walked over to the pool and squatted in front of Heinz. “You should really take a chill pill, Dee. If you looked any angrier the water would be boiling.” Staring up at his friend for a moment, Heinz took a deep breath and blew bubbles in the general direction of Danny’s face. Danny laughed and shielded his face with his hand. “Alright! Asshole!” Danny flipped his hair and glanced behind him, “The new hotel owner actually seems chill. Mind if I send him over here? You can tell him how creepy Dennis was,” he sing songed at Heinz.

Heinz smirked at Danny’s tactics. He knew Danny’s end goal here was to get Dennis fired by the new owner and maybe hearing it from someone else and then from Danny would make him more credible. However, he also knew that he needed to talk to _someone_ about Dennis or he was going to explode.

Heinz shrugged. “Yeah, send him over.”

Danny smiled brightly. “Thank you!” He made a heart with his hands before jumping to his feet and running off somewhere Heinz couldn’t see him.

Heinz waved the bubble wand lazily as he stared off into space again. He couldn't wait to get off work so he could tell Perry all about Dennis. Perry was such a good listener and he loved being able to talk about his day with someone like his stoic boyfriend. Or just talk at someone who would willingly listen in general. He blinked a few times when he saw Danny waving excitedly at him. Danny grinned and pointed off where he couldn’t see. He spun around and talked to someone.

Loudly, Danny enunciated, “HE’S THE GUY IN THE PO-OOL.”

Smiling at Danny and nodding, Heinz straightened his posture for a moment before slouching and looking very angry. The least he could do for Danny was to look the part of the upset and whiny employee. Winking at Heinz, Danny flipped his hair and walked away. That was when the man came into sight. He was a lot younger than Heinz would have expected from a hotel owner. Though maybe he had gotten a little too used Guirren Xiang. His straight black hair was gelled back and his thick framed glasses filled out his face nicely. Heinz blinked; he remembered thinking that before. He was Chinese and heavy set. Breath catching in his chest, he could see the man stop on his way towards the pool to stop and shake someone’s hand. He smiled exactly the way he did five years ago. He’d hardly changed at all and yet Heinz barely recognized him.

Peter.

His heart paused for a second before beating frantically in his chest. It was _Peter_! Heinz looked around a little desperately-he knew he couldn’t swim but at this point anything would be better than meeting Peter like _this._ Not taking another moment to think, Heinz tossed the soap and bubble wand away and kicked off of the pool wall.

* * *

“You’re a dumbass,” Danny said for what felt like the thousandth time that night.

Heinz had come up with several good retorts he would have enjoyed saying, but he was too busy trying to get all of the pool water out of his system. So maybe his best course of action _wasn’t_ diving underwater away from Peter without plugging his nose or even taking a deep breath beforehand. Hitting his chest with his fist, Heinz coughed up a little more chlorinated water. Danny frowned at his soaking wet friend and wrapped another white towel around him. Heinz could feel his teeth chattering. At least now he had a vendetta against slight breezes.

Danny bent down in front of Heinz and groaned, “Dee, your eyes are all red from the water.” He turned around and grabbed another towel, shooting daggers at a bystander. Heinz blinked his eyes a few times in hopes of curing their redness.

“You couldn’t have _warned_ me it was Peter?” Heinz hissed.

Danny breathed a laugh as he dried Heinz’s hair with the towel he was holding. “Why? Do you have a thing against men named Peter now? I would love to hear that backstory,” he joked and pulled the towel away from Heinz.

Squinting at Danny, Heinz said, “Danny, he’s _Peter._ ”

As the young man balled up the towel and tossed it in the general direction of a laundry bin, he quirked an eyebrow at Heinz. “Okay?”

Glancing around them, Heinz whispered, “As in... _that Peter._ ”

Danny grinned at Heinz for another minute before something clicked. Dropping a towel on the ground, he whispered, “Wait, like” -he looked around and scooted closer to Heinz- “the Peter you were crushing on when you were still married to Charlene?”

Face flushing, Heinz looked away from Danny. “I was _not_ crushing.”

Offering Heinz an amused look, he teased, “The kiss was _magical_ ; something just, like, _clicked._ ” Heinz shushed Danny and swatted at him. Rubbing the towel over Heinz’s shoulders, Danny did his best not to laugh. Sitting in silence for a moment as he took care of Heinz, he declared, “I’m gonna kick his ass.”

“Do not,” Heinz gasped before sneezing again. He would not be diving into another pool anytime soon.

Danny gave him a very serious look. “What kind of asshole kisses someone and then doesn’t call the person they _kissed._ ” Shaking his head, he pointed at Heinz. “No way. You need to say something.” Heinz sneezed loudly and grabbed a handful of coarse hotel napkins and blew his nose. Danny gave Heinz a sad smile before standing up abruptly. “I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do, Dee; I’m going to tell _everyone_ about this terrible jerk and his jerk friend Dennis and we as employees are going to make their lives hell.”

Eyes widening, Heinz grabbed Danny’s wrist before blurting out, “No!” He took a deep, calming, breath and smiled at Danny. “What _I’m_ going to do is pretend the situation doesn’t exist.”

He sat back in his chair proudly. As much as a tiny voice in the back of his head screamed that this idea was bad he ignored it in favor of not having a problem tonight. Besides, it’s not like Danny’s mutinous idea was any better. Still, Danny gave him a skeptical look.

Defiantly, Heinz stood up and jerked his thumb towards himself. “In fact! I am going back to work” -reaching over the bar, Heinz grabbed the bottle of champagne that Danny was currently supposed to be serving guests- “right now!”

Slipping off of the bar stool he was sitting on, he landed on his feet and rushed off holding the bottle. Once he was sure he was out of Danny’s sight, he grimaced at the feeling of walking in cold, wet swim trunks. Maybe mutiny wasn't a bad idea if it meant he didn't have to walk around topless in soaking wet shorts ever again. Heinz quickly made his way to the farthest cabana from where he saw Peter. Luckily, he only had to catch himself twice from almost slipping and falling on the pool deck before he made it to the cabana. There were a couple of glasses placed on a side table waiting to be filled. Heinz held onto the bottle with two hands, knowing from past experiences that bottles could be very slippery.

Taking a steadying breath, Heinz poured champagne into the tall glass. He pushed that glass to the side as he filled another. Heinz heard someone approach him slowly and it was all he could do not to audibly complain. People all day today. Wearing his best fake smile, Heinz pivoted and held out the bottle.

“Let me guess, champagne-” Heinz blinked when he was eye level with someone’s collar. “Sir?” he squeaked as he carefully dragged his gaze up to the man in front of him. _Peter._ Fully realized dread making his heart pound in his chest, Heinz bumped the table with the glasses on it. All of the glasses hit each other, making tiny ringing sounds that made Heinz gasp.

“Oh _great!_ ” He pushed Peter’s big chest so he would back up. Heinz checked the glasses and was immediately relieved when he saw there was no broken glass behind him. “ _Watch_ it, big guy!”

Taking a big step back, Peter signed an apology a few times over. Heinz shifted his attention to scowling the wet cement ground in favor of looking at Peter. Peter snapped a few times and his scowl deepened before looking up. The Chinese man blinked, surprised by the look, and held the note pad a little tighter.

Heinz narrowed his eyes at the black note pad. “Allow me?” he read the note aloud and glared up at Peter again. Peter bit his bottom lip and took a shorter step away from Heinz, clearly a little nervous and confused at this treatment. Placing a hand on his hip, Heinz said, “So you want to do my job for me? Is that it?”

Peter gasped quietly, blue doe eyes getting somehow wider. Peter held up his hand that wasn’t holding the note pad and shook his head no furiously. Heinz quirked an eyebrow at Peter who was trying a little too hard to make amends. Pulling out a black pen, Peter scribbled on a sheet of paper to make sure the pen still worked. Lips quirking upward slightly, Heinz crossed his arms and admittedly enjoyed watching Peter squirm. Served him right.

“Ah-ha!” Peter vocalized and flipped to the next page. He quickly wrote something and held it out to Heinz.

Taking the note from Peter, Heinz read the note in silence this time. **NO!!! I waNted 2 help U** The handwriting was sloppy and desperate. He was clearly trying to be quick but still legible. Peter offered him an apologetic grin and Heinz rolled his eyes.

“You can make yourself _useful_ by passing me glasses to fill.” Heinz turned around and went back to pouring another glass. Peter rushed over to Heinz and passed him an empty glass. “Not _yet!_ I will tell you when,” he said sternly and pushed a full glass to the side. “Glass,” he ordered flatly. Peter blinked a few times and slid him a glass carefully. Heinz took it without looking at Peter. He filled another glass and snapped his fingers. “Glass.”

Feeling something heavy touch his hand, Heinz glanced up and saw that Peter had touched his hand with the spine of his notepad. Scowl returning to his face, Heinz saw that Peter was holding out another note.

**Sry, but u look rly familiar. Do I know u?** Heinz could feel his expression soften as he looked down at the note. He didn’t know who he was. Being rude only went so far but Peter actually had no idea who he was.

Looking up at Peter, Heinz breathed, “No?”

Peter frowned and quickly jotted down, **U sure?**

“Mmmm not sure, but you know I'm not usually here... on this shift I mean.” Heinz watched as the champagne filled the glass before pulling the bottle close to his chest. “You could ask the past owner that if you were curious. But uh” -Peter held out a glass to Heinz and he quickly took it- “yes thank you. But then again I don't _usually_ wear merman shorts.”

Peter quirked an eyebrow at Heinz before clicking his pen open again. As he wrote something, there was the loud sound of someone tapping on a glass. Turning around, Peter put his notepad down in front of Heinz and walked off towards a man. Heinz looked him up and down and couldn’t help but smile. He was a little shorter than Peter with curly hair and covered in freckles. He was really handsome, and somehow exactly the kind of man Heinz thought Peter would be with.

The man smiled and began with, “A toast, to my husband-” Peter walked up to his, apparently husband, and pecked his cheek before wrapping an arm around his waist.

Heinz looked down at the note Peter had left with him and read what it said; **??? U worked at the strip club on B** was all Peter had managed to write before leaving to see his husband. Gasping loudly, Heinz picked up the notebook and turned to give Peter a piece of his mind. Heinz groaned and cursed himself for wanting Peter to have his night as the new owner.

Scowling at the notebook, Heinz picked up Peter’s pen and jotted down, **JERK!!!** He nodded and started to walk away before writing, **P.S. Im keeping the pen >:(**

_**END OF CHAPTER** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading the third chapter of Manufactured Joy and I'm so sorry for the long wait!!! 
> 
> There was an issue with the content I was creating for Milo Murphy's Law and it's not fixed but it is what it is! I'm just gonna take an extended break from the mml fandom! That isn't to say I'm getting rid of all my references or write things with like PnF AND MML but you best believe I'm not touching her for a while yet! Next chapter is when things start happening!!! So get hype!
> 
> Poor Heinz almost drowned in a hotel pool to get away from Peter and then was petty boy!!!
> 
> Again thank you for reading this chapter be sure to comment and kudos! Comments give me life!!


	4. No Good Very Bad Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's crime time!

Knocking on the door, Perry listened for the sounds of Heinz’s dogs Susan and Susan. Once he heard the twin dobermans barking he grinned and fished his keys out of his back pocket. Perry walked into Heinz’s house and saw Vanessa was still awake watching The Grievance. He snapped a few times and she waved a hand at him, not really acknowledging him. Both dogs rushed him as he toed off his shoes but he paid them very little attention. He made his way towards the hallway, signing goodnight to Vanessa before continuing on his way. He gently pushed Heinz’s bedroom door open and gently tapped his knuckle against the solid oak.

Looking up from where he was sitting on the edge of the bed, Heinz’s face lit up. “ _Perry!_ ” He jumped up from where he was sitting and made his way over to Perry. Smiling, Perry opened his arms wide so Heinz could hug him. Heinz wrapped his arms around Perry’s broad shoulders and kissed Perry’s face after each word while he said, “How! Was! Work?” 

He silently laughed and wrapped his arms around Heinz and squeezed tightly. Standing on the tips of his toes, Perry kissed Heinz’s lips briefly before looking back at the bed where Heinz had his tablet setup to watch a movie before, and while, he slept. Perry quirked an eyebrow at Heinz and nodded his head towards the bed.

“What?” Heinz asked and looked back at the bed. After a second, he turned back to Perry and rubbed the back of his neck, “Oh, you know after all that’s _happened_ today I can’t say I even _remembered_ you were staying over this weekend.”

Frowning, Perry looked over his boyfriend. What Perry first mistook for Heinz being very cold was actually a result of him being cold _and_ wet. He was already in a long purple night shirt rather than lounging around in his work uniform like he usually did until Perry came home.

Looking into his dark eyes, Perry smirked and signed, _Tell me everything._

Heinz grabbed Perry’s wrists tightly and pulled him over to his queen sized bed. Laughing, Heinz flopped backward onto the bed which in tow knocked Perry on top of him. He landed with one leg slotted in between both of Heinz’s and his eyes in line with Heinz’s chin.

“I am _so_ glad you asked!” Perry smiled up at his boyfriend and folded his arms on Heinz’s chest to prop his head up. “So at work we’re under new management- I told you that right?” Perry smirked and nodded at Heinz as Heinz threw his arms in the air. “Great! So we’re under new management and this _creepy_ guy just waltzes _right_ into the locker room!” Perry nodded again so Heinz knew he was listening, expression remaining impartial. Breathing a laugh, Heinz continued, “And then this _guy_ tells me that even though I can’t swim I should be the one who stands in the pool for an event.” Perry quirked a teal eyebrow at Heinz. Grabbing Perry’s arm, he shook it as he said, “I _kno-ow!!!_ ”

Adjusting how he was laying on Heinz, Perry fingerspelled, _Y they need u in pool?_

Letting out a loud exasperated noise, Heinz said, “Because he’s a bully and _hates_ me.” Perry made a point to roll his eyes dramatically enough for Heinz to notice. “Oh, I also called the new hotel owner a jerk,” Heinz finished proudly.

_Why?!_ Perry signed sloppily as he awkwardly attempted to sit up.

Cringing, Heinz pulled a black pen from behind his ear. “So, I shouldn’t tell you I stole from him too?”

Perry slowly raised a hand over his mouth and looked Heinz in the eyes. Slowly shaking his head, Perry shifted his focus from Heinz to the black pen in his hand. Perry proceeded to take the pen from Heinz and, without hesitation, toss it at his head.

“Hey!” Heinz complained as the black pen zoomed past his ear. “It’s not like he was going to _miss_ a _pen._ He owns the hotel!” Lowering his eyes at Heinz, Perry opened and closed his hand a few times in hopes of getting a response out of him. Pouting, Heinz muttered, “I _called_ him a jerk because he _is_ a jerk.”

Quirking an eyebrow at Heinz, Perry waved his hand in an open invitation to tell him more. Heinz stared at Perry for a second before waving one of his pale hands through the air. “That story is too long, _trust_ me!” Heinz lifted up the digital clock on his night stand. “Besides it’s already” -he stared at the time in horror- “ _4:23 AM?!_ ” Heinz pushed Perry off of him and jumped out of bed. “No more snuggling! I have a doctor’s appointment at nine!” Perry sat up and made a quiet churring noise deep in the back of his throat. “Oh, _I'm sorry,_ Mr. Graveyard shift has _opinions_ now? If I miss this appointment I’m going to have to wait another _month!_ ”

Perry smiled at Heinz before flopping down on the mattress as loudly as he could. Heinz used one of his hands to cover his mouth so he wouldn’t encourage Perry. While he usually fell for Perry’s tiny childish acts and supported them, the appointment he had at nine was very important to him. He'd been debating even making this appointment for weeks, but he'd decided a long time ago that he didn't really want to be pregnant again. Though it would be nice to start a family with Perry that way someday, Heinz knew he wasn't getting any younger and having a pregnancy later in his life could be risky. So tomorrow he planned on having a brief consultation with his doctor to ask about recovery time and if getting his tubes tied was right for him.

“Good _night,_ Perry!” Heinz flipped the light switch off. The consultation should be easy enough, very low stress from what he’d read online. For all he knew it would take less than a minute! That and, maybe three hours of sleep were just what the doctor ordered.

* * *

Miggs watched distantly as Peter got ready for bed that night. The party had run late and yet somehow Peter didn’t appear tired. He was so composed in everything he did it made Miggs feel like he was always looking at a different piece of art. Always beautiful, always purposeful, but never his. Folding his arms uncomfortably, Miggs cleared his throat.

Pulling his shirt off, Peter looked up at Miggs with a bright grin. His hair looked slightly mussed and his glasses sat a little crooked on his face. Peter’s smile fell slightly seeing Miggs’ aloof expression as he signed, _You okay?_

Only glancing at Peter to see the sign, Miggs muttered, “Nothing, you were... great today.”

Frowning, Peter walked towards Miggs and laughed weakly before signing, _You know, one of the waiters tonight stole my pen? I mean, I did maybe deserve it for asking if he was a stipper at-_

“I should go,” Miggs quickly interrupted Peter’s story. He held up his hand to keep Peter from getting any closer to him, “I need to help with cleanup, and we have the follow up event in two days.”

Peter blinked sadly at Miggs and signed a little closer to his face, _It's past 4am, take a breather._

Cringing, Miggs worked up the nerve to look at his husband whose expression had quickly gone from cheerful to pitiful. Miggs was fully aware that this was his own doing, but he needed to go. Finally, he muttered, “I'll be back soon, I promise, but I should at least monitor the cleanup for a little bit.”

Frowning, Peter nodded in understanding. _I love you?_

Miggs smiled and gripped the bridge of his nose. “I... I love you more.” 

Swiveling around, Miggs walked out of the room with his fists balled awkwardly at his sides. He hated this. Miggs _wanted_ nothing more than to lay down in bed with his husband and bitch about all the little details that no one would notice but Miggs knew went wrong. He wanted to laugh with him and rest. He walked out of their room and pulled the door closed quietly; Miggs hadn’t done what he wanted in a very long time. Staring at the wooden door, Miggs leaned his head against it and pitifully sighed.

“Hey.” A voice behind Miggs chimed followed by a cold hand on his shoulder. Jumping, Miggs smacked his head into the door with sharp, painful banging noise. He spun around, looking like a deer in front of headlights, to see Dennis grinning at him.

Frowning, Miggs pushed Dennis away from him and seethed, “What the fuck is _wrong_ with you, Dennis?!”

“Seriously, I’ve seen you hug a guy that looks like a _literal_ vampire and _I_ scared you?!” Dennis quickly retorted.

“Fuck you,” Miggs spat.

Dennis quirked an eyebrow at Miggs and bit his bottom lip to keep himself from laughing. Miggs was so cute when he was mad. Looking both ways down the hallway, Dennis put his hand on Miggs’ lower back and guided him away from his penthouse suite. Miggs quietly protested as Dennis guided him to the elevator and hit the button for his floor. Miggs stared at Dennis expectantly as the elevator chimed at every passing floor.

Finally, Dennis said, “I know that you don’t like this, but you need to start thinking about the future.” Cringing, Miggs forced himself to remain stable as he looked down at Dennis. “You texted me” -the elevator doors slid open and Dennis guided Miggs out of the elevator- “so what the hell is the plan, Miguel?”

Miggs took a deep breath and shuddered. “That’s _why_ I texted you.” Dennis was quick to unlock his room door. He held it open so Miggs could go inside and he was able to look both ways down the hallway. Clearing his throat and shrugging his tense shoulders, Miggs complained, “Dennis, as much as it pains me to say it, you’re right.” Dennis smirked and gestured for Miggs to continue. “I thought about the future and I’m... scared that Peter isn’t in it.”

Dennis cringed and slowly turned to face Miggs. “Please don’t cry,” he whispered.

Smirking, Miggs laughed, “Asshole.” Miggs and Dennis rarely got along, but he did always manage to make him laugh. Looking down anxiously at the nails he’d chewed down to the nub, Miggs continued, “I know how I keep him in my future.” Looking Dennis in the eyes, Miggs shook his head as he said, “And you’re not going to like it.” 

* * *

David Bringdown was the kind of man who hummed while he worked. Not because there was a song in his head, though today he was shamelessly humming a Betties song, but because he was generally an upbeat person. David pulled another scrub over his right hand, hoping his claws didn’t rip through it. When Dr. Bringdown was younger he worked as an experimental biologist and he regarded it as the biggest mistake of his career because it left him moderately deformed. Confident the fourth layer of glove on his right hand would be good enough David pulled one glove onto his left hand and very quickly walked out of the room and into the hall.

“Doctor!” someone shouted and David felt resistance against the door as he tried to open it all the way.

Cringing, David rushed out of the doorway and quickly closed the door. He saw a nurse, face bright red as she clutched onto a few files. Dr. Bringdown stared at some of the papers that had fallen out of the files and slowly bent down to pick them up. “D-Did I hit you?”

“Only my _face!_ ” she barked and snatched the papers from him and quickly put them in their assigned files. “Doctor, if your head weren’t attached!”

He smiled sheepishly and handed her another paper carefully. “Ya-You aren’t hurt, a-are you?”

She scoffed, “Only _emotionally!_ ” She looked down at the, now orderly, files and held them out to Dr. Bringdown. “You’ve got an insemination and a surgery consult today. Rooms 7 and 8.”

David’s shoulders were raised to his bright red ears as he nodded and took the papers from the nurse. He quickly took the tray with the sperm sample already unfrozen and in a syringe and awkwardly backed into room 8. Staring at the metal door as he held it open to go in, David hit his head with his right hand.

“Bad,” he groaned and looked down at the file he was holding. David could hear his patient quietly snoring in the examination cha and was grateful for the, hopefully, very easy day ahead of him. “Sorry, are you ready for your insemination-” David glanced down at the page and felt his heart skip a beat.

**Heinz J. Doofenshmirtz**

“ _Heinz?!_ ” David closed the door behind him, accidentally slamming it. Heinz jolted up in his chair and David could only assume he had dozed off before the door slammed closed. He was in a full hospital gown with his legs propped up. From what David could tell, Heinz looked exhausted, like he had barely gotten any sleep the night before. The bags under his eyes were as dark as David had ever seen them which was saying something. No wonder he’d passed out in the chair briefly.

“Yes! Hi, sorry I didn’t get a lot of- _David?_ ” Heinz stared up at Dr. Bringdown in clear confusion. “I usually see Dr. Bloodpudding?”

David placed the files behind him and walked up to Heinz. “I-I’m filling in- forgive me, but does Perry know you’re here today?”

Blinking, Doofenshmirtz bit his bottom lip and got visibly more uncomfortable. “Okay Mr. _perceptive pants,_ you saw through that? _No,_ he doesn’t and if you’re the one doing this I still want to _keep_ it that way.”

Falling back into his chair in front of Heinz, David made a pitiful noise that if he was lucky could be interpreted as, ‘ye.’ Covering his mouth with his sleeve, Dr. Bringdown looked up at Heinz. “So this is, like a surprise for him?”

A shy smile found its way onto Heinz’s face as he said, “Me and him I guess-I just-”

“Say no more!” David scooted his chair over to Heinz in a way that was decidedly less cool in real life than it was in his head. “My lips are sealed.” David put the tray down closer to him and looked up at Heinz. “Scoot down a little bit for me?” Heinz grabbed onto both arms of the chair and shimmied down the chair awkwardly. “That’s good. Perry and I are actually supposed to have lunch later. I’ll shut up though! Don’t worry!” David could see how tense Heinz was about the situation and continued to awkwardly try to mend it. “Not to spoil anything, but I’ve been getting the impression that he might propose soon,” the ginger offered as he grabbed the syringe. “So, you know this might be perfect timing!”

Heinz sat up a little bit. “You really think so? I mean people have been _saying_ that more and more to me lately, but people say _a lot_ of things! Like people say that almond brittle is bad. Or-or-or that a tiny woman steals the teeth of children and gives them money in return. Who _does_ that?! I would be _terrified!_ ” Heinz stared at David. “You know Perry pretty well though.”

David put his right hand on Heinz’s inner thigh to steady him, “Well, you’ve clearly thought a lot about the tooth fairy, so I- Sorry, focus on the ceiling for me?” Heinz laid his head back abruptly and stared at the ceiling. “D-do I need to tell you the risks of-”

“Don’t waste your breath.”

“Figured, alright, hold still.” David pushed the syringe into him and carefully injected him with the sample. “I think you can predict Perry better than anyone else. Keep an eye out for signals and you’ll know.” Dr. Bringdown pulled the syringe out of Heinz and placed it back on the tray. “Alright, Mr. Doofenshmirtz, you’re all set. We should have results for you in two weeks.”

Heinz sat up and looked up at David as he removed his blue gloves. “That’s it?”

Smiling, David nodded, “Yep, that’s it! I’m v-very happy for you two that you’re doing this. I’m going to head next door to finish up with another patient, but maybe by the time you’re dressed and checked out I can walk you out!”

Doofenshmirtz watched as David pulled on more pairs of gloves. “Oh-Okay!” David scooped up the files on the counter and mimed zipping his lips to hopefully put Heinz at ease. He giggled to himself as he tried to figure out how he was _not_ going to tell Perry that Heinz was going to surprise him with a baby.

Backing up to the door, David called, “Coming in!” He slowly pushed the door open with his back and looked at who was sitting in the chair waiting for him. He saw a fully clothed young man, anxiously tapping his leg and staring up at Dr. Bringdown.

A few of his brown curls had fallen in front of his face, but he quickly moved them to show a relieved expression. “Doctor, thank god, I was getting so many butterflies. I wanted to ask you a few questions about the procedure today.”

“Oh, it’s-uh- a very routine thing,” David said weakly.

The man laughed, freckles on his face making him look much younger than he probably was. “Sorry, I’m sure it’s routine to you, but I did have a few questions about the percentages that this test will take. If my husband’s sample has been in the sperm bank for nearly five years now, am I more or less likely to get pregnant?”

The pale ginger glanced down at the file and saw the name, **Miguel Ortega-Xiang**. Staring into the young man’s eager green eyes, David did his best to swallow a lump in the back of his throat. “Y-You’re my in-insemination today?”

Mr. Ortega-Xiang blinked and then sheepishly grinned, “Yes? And I’m so sorry in advance for all the questions!” David looked down at the file and saw that Miguel was here for a tubal ligation consultation. Looking more closely at the papers, he could see dirt from the floor on it and the wrong patient number. Dr. Bringdown pulled Heinz’s file and saw that his patient number matched the one needing the consultation. Staring at Miguel, David remembered the nurse dropping the papers on the ground and hastily fixing them.

This was bad.

_**END OF CHAPTER** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so so so much for reading this chapter! It's surely been a minute and I make no promises about updates because i've really fallen off of my update horse! but i am working on rewriting O.W.C.A. Night Out! so like!!! maybe!!!
> 
> My priorities right now!!! Are!!
> 
> O.W.C.A. Night Out (REWRITE)  
> BW&T (MAJOR EDIT AND CHAPTER 16)  
> Mr. BS (MAJOR EDIT AND CHAPTER 5)  
> A Mahlblock Oneshot
> 
> and possibly a full length banana bread (Professor Parenthesis/Roger Doofenshmirtz) fic! if you are excited for those!! don't get your hopes super super high it's been a slow process getting my ass in gear! But if you liked this chapter thank you so so much again for reading!! kudos and comment!! love you all and see you next chapter!!! 
> 
> Bye bye!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for reading the start of my new fic! If you liked it be sure to comment and kudos!
> 
> Okay so I may or may not have been working on this project on the side while I should have been working on BW&T and Mr. BS but I really really _really_ wanted to do something with this AU!! So ta-da!  
>  ~~~  
> First thing I should say is that I finally have a beta!!!! I've been sort of exclusively using them for this fic but I do have one and I am actually so happy to be able to say that!!! I love them so much guys like go and hit up Luna and give her lots of love because dang she has been a life saver and a great motivation for me! <3 <3 Honestly both twins are such good beans go give them some love.
> 
> Second thing I should specify about this fic is that it is not going to have an update schedule that I, however loosely, follow. This fic has longer chapters too so just be super hecky aware that yeah shit goes on! I'm a college bean! What're ya gonna do!
> 
> Third! The inclusion of this fic into the update swing of things does not mean that I won't be updating the other two!!!! I promise I will!!!! I'm currently working on a chap of Mr. BS (my baby im sorry i haven't updated ssadfgdsad) 
> 
> Once again thank you for reading this fic!!! If you liked it please be sure to comment telling me what you liked about it or if you liked it in gerneral? Lol not sure how this one is gonna be received and I'm a little nervous!!! Anyway! Comment comment comment and kudos kudos kudos!!! 
> 
> Ta! <3


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